Life As A Desi Singleton

Hi! I am Dazzlingsitar, 25 years old, female, living in New York, with my parents ofcourse because god forbid if I had my own apartment where I could get corrupted by getting too much freedom or worse by boys, looking for a new job and S-I-N-G-L-E. Not Engaged, nor attached. Just good ol' Singleton! Basically in desi lingo well moreso in the words of society and my mother, "You're Old! 25! No spring chicken! Beti, it's time for you to find a nice boy, get married and get out of my house." (like as if it was that easy--getting out of the house that is, heehee, sarcasm, gotta love it) I know she sounds harsh, doesn't she? Well, she probably didn't mean it to be so harsh but I doubt that she meant it any less.

Actually, God has blessed me with a set of very progressive-minded parents compared to the many my friends have. I've been able to get a good education, explore different fashions (damn 80s), countries on my own and most importantly was allowed to "party" and date, boys ofcourse. I know, many, who are reading this are probably thinking, is this girl weird? What's the big deal about partying and dating? Well thing is, when you come from a des(h)i family, many of these things that I've mentioned above are considered as taboo and if any girl is seen doing any of these things, well, gets labeled as "corrupted by the rash western influences" hence social outcast. But luckily this stigma is slowly dying...well I hope it is! Because I don't hear that many girls hiding behind their parents back anymore...or maybe because I'm not 16 anymore, but that's besides the point. The fact that my parents don't care is kinda cool.

But those who are des(h)is, have you noticed that in our community, (regardless of where you are) everybody has a say and is forced to comment on your life regardless if they know you or not? It's truly fascinating to me how all of these people have such insights about my life more than myself. The other day I had gone to yet another family friend's gathering and an aunty-jee comes up to me acting as if she's known me since I was in my mother's womb (ofcourse i didn't know her! Hadn't met her even once in my 25-years and counting of life-but who cares right?) and says, "You should really oil your hair more often, well atleast twice a week so your hair wont be so frizzy frizzy!" Being the polite one that I am, I just smiled and pretended that I actually took that advice as if I knew nothing of these techniques and really thought, " YOU MORON, DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF HUMIDITY!?!"

I honestly believe that in a weird dimensional (dellusional if you will) world, they might actually believe that it was an icebreaker because soon after, a series of questions follow, "Have you decided or thought of marriage, Are you seeing anyone? Do you want me set you up with my nephew? You know the time is ticking!"
Immediately, a major rush of thoughts come to my mind. (a) Who are you? (b) Who's and what for is this time ticking? (c) Do you think I'm blind? (ok I didn't really think that but I thought it was funny anyways, (d) Your nephew? hmm and (e) Do I have a neon sign on my forehead that says I'm a single girl here who needs immediate attention to find a good no decent desi boy from a good family and settle down? AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, (f) WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!

In honesty, it wouldn't be such a bad idea, GETTING MARRIED, et all but what's the rush. What's wrong in waiting around while becoming professionally successful, educated and well-traveled? And ofcourse, most importantly, finding THE ONE! I personally feel that one should not get married only because (a) parents said so, or (b)I'm getting old. Such reasons could start off with a weak base for a marriage and hence head to doom. One should really get settled financially and mentally. Financially for obvious reasons...I'm sorry but seriously to all the romantics of this world, "Love" is just not enough. Mentally, well I would think its obvious but I don't mind delving into it.

Mentally, if you feel you should still be single, BE SINGLE! It's only fair to the other person because this rules out the questions of infidelity, lack of trust and communication and etc...Marriage I feel is a union not only between a man and woman, (or man and a man or woman and a woman) but really a union between two families; a concept that I've grown up with. (This in itself can be a blog so I wont get into it now--but I'm sure you guys understand). But seriously, one should be mentally prepared when getting into a marriage and be ready to take on another person as an entity that plays a factor for decision-making.

My married friends tell me, when you're ready you'll know and when you meet him, you will know. It will be an instant recognition. Honestly, I thought I recognized my future husband when I first saw him at age 10. But till Today, I'm ridiculed for being in love with SALMAN KHAN. Hey he is human too...He's not some God that i cant reach. Granted he's 16 yrs older to me but age is just a number right? :D

Oh well, i guess i have to stop dreaming about Salman Khan and come back to reality and start soul searching (Possibly find Salman's replica) because all jokes apart, i think i have finally come in to terms that i feel its time for me to settle down only because I'm done and tired of the dating scene and would love to find someone i can spend a lifetime with and not for just a few free meals and movie dates here and there.



At June 15, 2006 3:23 AM, nusrat said...

Don't worry girl, after the age of 25 you'll be deemed as a hopeless case and they'll stop harassing you. Instead they'll all sit around in groups and shake their heads when you walk by.


At June 15, 2006 11:28 AM, NAB said...

i wouldn't mind getting married already. at least it'd stop all the talks (preemptively) and just allow ME to finally think about things that DON'T have to do with red saris and rings. egh.

and plus, i believe the idea is then that my hubby is going to have to foot my med school tuition fees =) hehehe!


At June 15, 2006 12:19 PM, Dazzlingsitar said...

hahaha....nowal, oh the dreams we dream!

and nus, well i havent felt that much of a burn yet as im hardly home...weekends i here some...im scared when i go back to bdesh in the summer... i think i will hear the fat ladies singing then...


At June 15, 2006 3:25 PM, Bushra said...

Seems to me like you're staying true to yourself,relishing every moment of singledom!

and yes Salman has the hottest body in Bollywood ;) Although,Shah Rukh is the man for me...sigh!currently Rahul Bose also gets me drooling :P


At June 16, 2006 10:33 AM, Ehsan said...

In school I had crush on this particular chick. I could hold a snake by its tail but I did not have guts to tell her I fancy her. I went to college a place where we waste the most valuable time of our lives. Was not that lucky either, dated here and there little bit. Final I got engaged with this pretty girl. The night I was putting the ring on her I looked into her eyes I knew something is wrong. I was engaged for 3 months life was good. One fine morning we split. I don’t know where she is but I am good friends with her mom and dad now. Than I looked at society and got married, lasted three months we are separated and sure to be divorced. I am confident I will get married again next year (at least that’s what my guru jee tells me), hoping this will last.

I align with all four (Nusrat, Busra, Nowal, Dazzlingsitar) of you. I am about to complete the whole cycle (Crush-Date-Love-Engaged-Married-Separated-Divorced-Remarry). The idea is:
"Fill the years with life not to fill the life with years"


At June 17, 2006 8:24 AM, gr8gatsby said...

Isn't Salman a deer-killing homo? I always thought he was. Hmmm. I hate families too. I'm des(h)i. I have a progressive family. But I still hate all the shite that comes with it.


At June 19, 2006 5:24 PM, Shirin said...

Girl, you are just hilarious..
Love your blogs! Keep them coming..
BTW, I still get harrased about not being married..oh well!! Old is gold..lol


At June 19, 2006 5:27 PM, Dazzlingsitar said...

Bushra: Yeah for some reason srk doesnt go for me...but i do agree with Rahul Bose...he's got that je ne sais quoi thing going on for him...

Ehsan: You've got a pretty intersting life there...I guess in the words of Mama Gump, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get!" It's really the life experiences that get you to where you are today. Do you ever wonder what would have happened had you ever had the courage to tell your crush that you had a crush on her? Would life been any different? hmm..By the way, im curious...how did u get to my blog?


At June 19, 2006 5:29 PM, Dazzlingsitar said...

Moose!! Just because he flaunts his boobs in every movie doesnt make him a homo...I'll give u "Deer-killing" but not a homo!!!

But seriously dude...you gotta love family for it...


At June 19, 2006 5:31 PM, Dazzlingsitar said...

Shirin: Thanks!! Yeah old is gold, diamonds are forever...what other sayings are there...


At June 20, 2006 7:31 PM, Anonymous said...

"..Marriage I feel is a union not only between a man and woman, (or man and a man or woman and a woman) but really a union between two families; a concept that I've grown up with. (This in itself can be a blog so I wont get into it now--but I'm sure you guys understand). But seriously, one should be mentally prepared when getting into a marriage and be ready to take on another person as an entity that plays a factor for decision-making."

'nuff said.


At June 20, 2006 8:32 PM, Dazzlingsitar said...

anonymous poster....do u agree or disagree??


At June 22, 2006 12:38 PM, Ehsan said...

Dazz -

I wonder the same. may be life wouldd be different if I said so. I think i found you on Naseeb.