Writing has always brought me comfort. It has been a medium for me to send out my thoughts into the cosmic void in hopes that, one day, clarity will come back to me. So many things have happened since we last spoke. In the last few days, I published two of the many poems I wrote during the last 4.5+ years... (deep pause...) Wow! Has this hiatus really been that long? These two poems have been the closest to my heart. One person told me that even though these poems personifies hope, they both are laced with a thin line of sadness. I never thought of it that way at first but then when I truly contemplated the idea, I agreed with my critic.
Was I truly sad deep down inside even though I put on a smile every day for everyone to see? I guess I was. In the last 4+years, I have gained and lost a person whom I thought was my true love, but more importantly, I lost my father who was and will always be my heart and soul. We can always overcome losing a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/friend. But losing a parent is a new ballgame all together. The feeling of losing a parent replicates to when you take shelter under pouring rain, and at that very moment , the roof that is protecting you is being yanked off with nowhere to seek shelter. You experience true colors and faces of people you once upon thought were your well-wishers; but in reality were far from it.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of my father and imagine what would he have done if he were in my shoes when i'm at a loss. Maybe that's why I still see him in my dreams giving me guidance. I sure hope it never changes; even if I can't hug him in the physical world, at least I can in the "paranormal" world?
Is that normal?
