Sunday 28th October 2012

As I sign into Facebook today, I realize that there is not a single status or news update out there that can fill the void that has embraced my and my family’s lives. As we all sit under this dark cloud, searching for that silver lining, I’m reminded of the saying ‘Ignorance is bliss’. Yes, I wish we had not known that my dear uncle would have to fight for his final days or months with final stage of pancreatic cancer that was diagnosed in early June of this year. I wish that my 82-year-old grandmother would not have to face the death of yet another child, for it being the third. I wish that my cousins, who are constantly by their father’s side, knowingly that it could be any moment that he would no longer be there, didn’t have to face the reality of this disease; the daily pains, the hospital runs, the no room for error moments and most importantly the constant stress of the unknown of what will happen next.

My mind and heart keeps on travelling back to the time when life was simple and beautiful. The times when my parents and I would visit from Abu Dhabi.  My aunts, uncles, and cousins leaving their own households and moving back into my Nana and Nanu's 13-bedroom Maghbazar home during our stay and yet all squeezing in that one bedroom in the back. Going to Old Town for that 3am murgh pulao run in our pjs, and as we waited,  we would all have a boiled egg and hot glass milk; the milk that we refused to drink at home. Waking up our baburchis (live-in chefs) at the same time for the special “dim omelettes and pau ruti’r toast”. And just when the food would arrive in that one room where all 30 of us would be, Nana quietly trickling in to see what we were all up to and joining in. The numerous games of carom, cricket in the backyard and the circular driveway, rollerblading in the verandas, and running to the rooftop when there would be a massive downpour of rain dancing away!

Where did all those moments go, when all of us kids were surrounded by my aunts and uncles screaming at the top of their lungs while playing the infamous rickshawalla card game called 29 because someone or the other was cheating? Or even as recent as when Nannu mama visited my parents in New York, and I had surprised them by coming home late at night from college in Boston with their favorite kabab paratha roll? Have we changed or have the people around us changed, which indirectly has morphed us into people we don’t recognize anymore? Honestly, where are we and what have we become?

As I blankly stare into the walls or everything for that matter, these are the things that I just can’t stop wondering about. Is this part of the growing process we are destined and more importantly eager for? When we were kids, we couldn’t wait to become older. And now, I honestly wish I was a kid again… At least, then we wouldn’t be sitting in this predicament that we at now. 

Bangkok 2012

The family reuniting after a long time! 

A serious illness always brings an entire family together no matter how many outbursts, quarrels etc...have happened. My uncle, who has recently been diagnosed with cancer, mentioned in my previous post, has brought the entire family together in Bangkok. And although the main purpose of the trip was to see him and spend some time with him, I couldn't help myself from abusing the amenities that were at the hotel I was staying at. Swimming for an hour and a half, moving on to the steam room and then finishing off with sauna was my daily early morning routine while the sun rose over Bangkok! Not a soul but birds chirping away were with me while I swam. Living in Dhaka really make you cherish serenity, peace and merely just being alone. This routine made me famished and off I was to relish fresh salads, croissants, coffee and all the spreads the hotel breakfast had to offer. 

Checking in to the Hotel at
Imperial Queens Park Hotel

Checking in to the Hotel at
Imperial Queens Park Hotel

Me at Lumphini Park,
right next to our hotel

Every  morning I was off to stroll around Lumphini Park, which is located right next to my hotel and where I met up some of the gang. Then we'd be off  to hit the numerous stores at where we met up with my uncle and family so that later on we could have lunch together and believe it or not, you can bargain every damn thing in Bangkok!

Mothers and daughters showing off at
Lumphini Park

Shopping at Terminal 21!!!

Must see shops in Bangkok are The Emporium, Terminal 21, Siam Paragon and none other than good ol' MBK! I couldn't resist some shoes, bags and clothes shopping! I'm a woman after all so sue me! Not for my shoes and bags though! 

The highlight of my trip was when I took a day trip to Ayuthaya City and the Bang Pa-In Palace. Gorgeous! Thais say that both good and bad spirits live everywhere. In my pics, look at the tree trunks in how they grow. Ain't it cool? 

Bang Pa-In Palace

Ayuthaya City 

Anyways I really don't have much to say because I feel my pictures say it all..Enjoy!

The Quintessential Me

Recently, whilst being inundated with too many to dos for my cousin's wedding, I received two of the worst news. I learnt that 1. My uncle, who is aged 59, has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in both liver and pancreas; and 2 that a special male friend of mine too has been diagnosed with brain cancer. Two dear people in very different stages of their lives, yet a similar death sentence. My uncle who has seen the world, children and even grandchildren and my friend, aged 31, who although has traveled somewhat of the world, is an only child like myself was beginning a soaring career where he would taste everything the universe has to offer. Ever since I heard the news, I have sort of been in denial of their illness because like everyone else, you think that your loved ones are invincible. But then it made me think. The only constant in this world is death, which not a single person, animal, or living organism has the capacity to escape. With that being said, I wondered as to how people would remember me if tomorrow I was no longer here.

I was just surfing the web a night or two ago because I just couldn't shut my eyes, I came across this horoscope description of what Taureans are like and I couldn't have agreed with it more! Here's what the piece had to say about me.

Taurus Woman (21st April to 21st May)

When you come across a Taurus female, the first thing you will notice about her is her undefeatable emotional strength. She is capable of handling the severest of problems, without shedding even a single tear. She has the infamous Taurus temper, but it is seldom displayed. At least not until the provocation is too much to digest. She is as feminine as any other female, without the unnecessary tantrums. A Taurus woman has no desire of dominating her husband. She will let him handle the reins; in fact this is what she secretly desires.

A Taurus woman wants a real man, who can make her proud of himself as much as she is proud of herself. However, if he fails in his role, she will take the control in her own hands. Neither will she act like a mewing kitten, nor like a roaring lioness. She is independent and has a mind of her own, but she does not want to dominate in the relationship. Taurean women do not see social status while making their friends. They want to be friends with people who do not hide their true nature and come across as they really are.

Their friends may be a little weird, but they will not be phonies or hypocrites. A Taurus girl doesn't fight with people she dislikes; she simply ignores them and becomes indifferent to their presence. However, she will be loyal to her true friends and they will remain with her throughout her life. In return, she will expect them to stand by her when she needs them. A Taurean woman also gets jealous, but only if you exceed the limits of casual flirtation. Everything has a limit and this also does. It's better not to provoke her anger or you will be very sorry.

She is brainy, but not too much interested in intellectual subjects. She is practical in her thinking and does not feel the need to indulge in mental gymnastics. She is balanced in her approach and you will hardly see her in a restless disposition. A Taurean girl hates anything artificial, be the flowers in her vase or the friends in her life. She has to feel the fragrance of real roses and the presence of real people. The beauty of Mother Nature especially pleases her.

Ugliness of any kind makes her miserable and repulsive. She loves to be amidst colourful surroundings, like gardens blooming with flowers. A Taurean female has a good taste, so please be very careful before taking her out... She is a very good cook herself and you will always be treated to excellent homemade food. She is also very much interested in the art forms, like painting. She is a tomboy at heart and will enjoy many guy-things like horse riding, going on a roller coaster ride, fishing, etc.

All this makes her feel close to nature. She dresses simply, yet elegantly and her fabrics are always feather-soft. Taurus female is very strong and above the usual female insecurities. However, she demands loyalty and will never compromise in this area. She is beyond hypocrisy and has an undemanding and easy-going manner. She wants her man to take her side, especially in public. If he contradicts her in front of other people, expect the temperature to reach beyond the boiling point.

When pushed too far, she loses her cool demeanour quickly. Taurus women make excellent mothers, except for the fact that they cannot tolerate disobedience or defiance in kids. Laziness and carelessness also makes them angry. Otherwise, they will be more of a friend to their children than the typical mommies. A Taurus woman will also teach the kids how to be strong and will protect them from the big bad outside world. She never shirks from or whines about her responsibilities. Her man will be expected to do the same.

She can also bear endless pain and stress, without complaining for a single minute. She is good with finances and knows how to maintain quality in a reasonable budget. She is a very good host and will be there to help her man in any and every way she can. A Taurean woman will care for you when you are ill, will back you in your new business venture and let you take over the control of the home. And, you will always be treated to a warm, cosy home when you come back from the office!

What A Weekend!!

Wet 'N Wild Songkran Party 2012

What A Weekend! Yess, I had to start the entry with that again! It all started with a barrage of emails, discussing what to do for the weekend! Popped up a list of events happening with the two biggest highlights of the weekend being the Wet 'n Wild Songkran Party at The 8 Restaurant and Pohela Boishakh (Translate: Bengali New Year)! Once we etched out the plans, off we were to find our "Weapons of Mass Wetstruction". After much rummaging around Gulshan 1 market during Jummah time when most of the stores are closed, sadly enough, we only found ones that looked like with one squirt. it would break let alone last 6 hours. Damnit!!! Where were the damn NERF guns?

 After much unsuccessful bargaining, we were on our way to the 8. Thanks to the brilliant idea of not filling our stomachs with breakfast, regardless of the fact that some of us actually see the sunrise, we devoured a Thai lunch provided by the restaurant. Game plans were set..aka need to drench the organizers and scope our prime suspects. Victims of our water guns slowly trickled in and filled their stomachs with the same prix fixe lunch and soon enough began all the "innocent shenanigans". My so-called innocent friends called me to fix something and instead drenched me with their guns. Fine. The games began. All of us 30 something year olds were now anywhere between the ages of 7 and 11. Running around with our guns and water balloons was an ultimate high but only moments later, the event was tipped off by me being drenched by EFFING ICE-COLD WATER! It was now just PURE WAR!!! Music was blasting awesome top 40s with everyone going wild on the dance floor. Mercy! Mercy! Mercy! HELL NO MERCY!!! were all being screamed out! This all continued till much later in the evening but I only lasted till 6 in the evening but it surely was a blast! The night finally ended with some really hot Chinese food at the shadiest Chinese Restaurant of Banani where everything was and is still is quite questionable!!

Pohela Boishak 1419 with the family

The following morning, to what seemed like was filled with ungodly hours to wake up in, surely pushed us out of bed to hit all the hot spots and celebrate the Bengali New Year! Having never experienced it in this country, I was amazed to find that this festival is way more festive than let's say Eid or National Day! Tables were overflowing with bhortas, elish maach and various other tasty delights! Everyone was decked out in the brightest colors! People were shopping like crazy at all the stores! And most of all uncontrollable traffic on a holiday! But nonetheless what a day it was! Enjoy the snapshots!!

Happy Holidays!

Happy Easter, Passover and soon to be Bengali New Year to all my readers!

Enjoy the holidays with your loved ones and me!

lots of love

Waking up to the perfect Kalboishakhi morning in Dhaka today has been nothing less than divine. After being in this country for almost two years, today is the day that I'm loving the most. Listening to the raindrops hit the windows whilst drinking the perfect cup of tea. Classic 80s-early 90s tunes infiltrating the background is making me reminisce the good old days we always cherish. Bryan Adams at his best singing "When you love someone" and "Please forgive me" makes me miss my loved ones who are not with me today. Not a day goes by that I don't stop thinking of them but it's days like these when you reflect and miss them the most. A day you get to finally relax and have several moments to yourself to just be yourself. Without a worry if your eyeliner has smudged or if you have a hole in the oddest part of your t-shirt. I just want to stay curled in bed all day and do absolutely nothing, even though a pile of chores and work is waiting for my attention....Oh well...Time to relish this gorgeous morning and everything else can take a rest.

PS. Yes, I miss you.....

It almost feels that years have gone by since I've posted a blog post on my blog. I wouldn't be surprised if it actually has been that long! It's like I have so much to say but I just can't get the motivation to post. Maybe it's because the dialogue between my readers and I have been kind of non-existent. It's in the sense that, I know you guys are reading my blog (THANKS to my Blog Visitor Counter on the side), but where are the comments? Where's the conversation we used to have? I miss that. Now, it just feels that I'm posting all these cosmic questions or thoughts out to the world with no response what so ever. Have we become that lazy to even give a little effort for the human connection, which in reality is what we still yearn for?

What is it that we are all looking for? I wish I had the answers to the plethora of questions I have in my mind. Hopefully, once I start posting them on my blog, you will be kind enough to respond once again. So here goes...

First question, WHY OH WHY ARE YOU SILENT?